pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tooth and Nail I'm very tired. No, exhausted is the proper word for it I believe. I'm trying SO hard to make this transition a smooth one, but there are snags all over the place. I don't THINK it's all me. I think that some of it is, for sure. But it's just a bad idea to keep two very freshly broken uppers in the same (one-bedroom) apartment together when most freshly broken uppers need SPACE NOW more than anything. But instead I have to listen to him talk to new girls, all night long on MY phone. Now, I'm NOT jealous at all, I'm so very glad to be out of what we had going on... and I think you all will agree with me on this one. The fact of the matter is, I can't stand hearing him begin again the charade like the charade of when we met. It's very hard for me to swallow. I want to pick up the phone and tell the other end to enjoy this moment, enjoy this conversation, because this IS THE DEEP END. This is the most talk you will get from him, unless it works out somehow differently for them. And granted, it might. But I'm being forced to deal with it, IN my face, for the most part. A lot of it is just a showcase of how cool he is. I wish I could see him as a person now. It's so hard for me to do. Too close for comfort. I criticize everything, I am defensive when criticized. Everything with us is a perpetual motion. One thing innocently spoken can lead to the biggest volcanic eruption. We've made it off the island, survivors. Now we're tooth and nail at each other, to the death. It doesn't HAVE to be like this. I really don't want it like this. Keep your teeth. I'll keep my nails. We'll suffer another week and then be done with each other FOREVER if need be. FOREVER. Better without you than WITH YOU in this forever. ...... 05:44:57 - seven two-six ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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