pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Sun and The Moon and the Spinning of the Room It's nice to be free. No more monkey noises. No more humoring someone that isn't as funny as they think they are. It's a beautiful thing to be free. ..... So tomorrow Mike (who is living here til August 1st) has the day off. I have subtlee convinced him that we should go to CiCi's Pizza for lunch! I am hoping to see Justin there. Justin said he goes to CiCi's at least once a week. So it would be the Good Thing of the Week if I saw him again, now that I'm sooooooooo singular!!! I suppose if I am meant to, I will. I was contemplating ringing him up at his office. There are problems with that though. Number One :: I don't remember his last name. So if it's a huge place, they will be all Justin WHO? And I will look like a big dummy, the kind they write books for. Number Two :: I don't want to seem stalkerish. I know it's been a couple of weeks since I've seen him, but he did tell me where he works and now I can call him up guiltfree. Number Three :: I really don't know if he's singular, too. If he IS then great, but if NOT then it could be awkward. Oh well, though, right? Number Four :: He's moving in a few months. Therefore, he's probably single, wonderful and I would fall madly in love with him only to have my heart shredded in the Precious Roy Heart Shredder of Fate. But those are really nothing big in the grand scheme of things. Everything worth having involves a little sacrifice. Therefore, I could sacrifice my pride or my fear of looking like a kook and just TRY to call him. No harm in seeing if he wants to hang out. I mean I hadn't seen him in seven years, so what would be the chances of me seeing him a LOT in 3 months time? .... I wanted to remind myself of something. Maybe this is something you should keep in mind, too. Back in 1990, I happened upon this necklace set. I knew I had to have it, for the lovely day when the clouds parted and my angel stood before me, whomever he shall be. It's in two parts :: a sun and a moon. They join together to form a perfekt circle, a circle with rays of light around them. Since 1990, I've had many relationships, some better than others. Some significant. Still, I never relinquished the other half. I never even wore MY half. I kept it hidden safely away. It was my secret promise to myself that I would FIND someone worth the sentiment behind the imagery. I've never even felt COMPELLED to share this with anyone, I just trusted that I would know when it was to be given. Saturday, I was visiting my mom and dad. I visited my old room, which is mostly cleared out, except for this tiny wooden chest of drawers, with a tiny little indian box inside...with my tiny little promise to myself. I'd visited it before, countless times, always knowing that it hadn't happened yet. I would look at it, wish for the day, but remain patient, knowing that it would come when the time was right. Saturday, I took it out. I decided that my time had come. MY TIME to wear MY HALF. It became MY NEW PROMISE to myself that I would keep it close to my heart but within sight so that I WON'T FORGET that I should wait for my angel, my other half, and not settle for monkey noise makers, and fake Arabian wanna-be's. But I should wait for my angel who sees the angel in ME. Who, in quiet moments is not boring, but thoughtful. Who has passion, who has dreams and ambition. Who respects all things, who is sweet and sincere and honest and true. He's out there. I can wait patiently. But I should never settle for anyone less. And this time, I won't. ----- 02:52:08 - seven two-five ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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