pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The THING is... It's not supposed to be November already!! What's up wid dat? I haven't told you all that my foot is officially broken, have I? Not unless you read my other diaryland projekt. Yep, it's broken and I have to hobble around and/or use crutches. It sucks. I hate the crutches worse than the hobbling and the hobbling is no fun at all. I'm trying to not be bothered by this broken feeling, but it is making me feel a bit... restricted or something, not to mention that EVERYONE at work keeps asking me what happened and if I'm okay and all of that. I seriously need to wear a damned sign that says I FELL THROUGH A FUCKING CHAIR, OKAY?!?! I know they are all so sweet and just want to express their concern. It doesn't really bother me at all, that part of it... I just hate the attention, I think. I don't know. I especially hate the attention that crutches gets you. As if I'm not already physically uncomfortable crutchedee crotchetying my way around I'm not even GOOD at it, so I feel like an even bigger dork. UGH!! So I pretty much hobble unless I'm going long distances. I'm not even in a cast. I wanted a cast. I don't see how my foot can heal 3 bones without constant and steady guidance. Someone splain it to me! Soooooooo, tonight I had something of a breakdown, I suppose. I really don't know specifically WHY, but I would imagine no one really knows how heavy all of their straws are until the last one finds its way on top of your camel's back and it collapses... spilling all of them, making you SEE them all, all the tiny straws that seem so inconsequential as they were gathered. I swear you don't even notice the weight of such things because they are so tiny. I suspect some of my straws were boy related. =) Okay, I *KNOW* they were. I've been somewhat disappointed in the enthusiasm turnout on two occassions... once not enough and the second time too much. It's like where's the mama bear version of enthusiasm? That's what I need. So HONEST TO GOD or WHOMEVER, I have NO CRUSHES now. Really. NO CRUSHES WHAT-SO-EVER. Not even on anybody that starts with a B! heheheeh. You hear me? Not even on YOU. Some of my daily straws were traffic related. I had just been sitting in the most heinous traffic for OVER an hour on what should be at most a 20 minute ride. I had a tremendous headache and my whole entire leg feels like there isn't enough blood to go around. My foot hurts, but that goes without saying. No one in Atlanta will let you over, especially if you signal. Especially then. I really don't understand traffic. I don't want to understand it, I want it to go away. I know my blood pressure just shoots way up when people do pissy things in traffic. I can feel it. It's not a good feeling. A few straws are about me not feeling 100% like doing anything at all. I don't want to show up at work, I don't want to WORK when I get there, I don't even want to lay around and watch tv, either. Or read. Or play online. I don't want to shop or eat or mess with my hair or learn anything new. I don't even really want to sleep. I have no idea what this new-fangled restlessness is from, but it does alarm me. I can't possibly be BORED! I haven't DONE anything!!! I sit here sometimes and say that I need a hobby and I really believe it, but I really think that as sad as it sounds, I really need someone that makes me *want* to do things. I think I'm like a perfectly great flashlight with dead or dying batteries. I CAN WORK and I WILL AGAIN, it's just I want to be discovered and recognized and energized... (HO HO that was purely an unintentional energizer bunny reference I SWEAR!) But you know, I don't feel like it will happen. Is there a place to GET BATTERIES and BE A BATTERY all at once? Hmm. So anyway, sorry for the THING, Steven. You're right, there's a lot more to it. I wish I fully understood it. I don't. But I do love you. =) 03:27:26 - November 1st, 2K :: 11:10pm ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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