pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh Well. I spent a few hours with Wendy tonight. It was cool, she's a coolie. She's got the best new boy now! I'm happy for her! He sounds really awesome. After putting up with Mike for so long, she deserves someone shining! Yeah. Someone shining would be nice. To arrive is to shine. To arrive to a conclusion would also shine. hehehe. I think that I'm going to have to cash in my chips here. Officially give up the ghost? I don't know. I don't need to be a consolation prize when I am worth so much more. I don't understand how someone could get along with you so well and be so on the same wavelength and even be attracted to you but just not want you. I think it's kind of fuckt up honestly. But it's hard hard hard for me when I feel something that is "an embryonic" kind of love. It's NOT love, right, but there it is and it has so much potential and the only thing needed to plant that final seed is approval. Without that, it's just a dream of an amazing flower that has the most vibrant colors and fragrance... it's just a color copy in your head of your most favorite rare flower. But you know it's there, so there in your pocket. Just waiting. But yeah, fuck it, right? If I'm not getting it, I'm not getting it. It doesn't mean I don't deserve it. It means that the climate isn't suitable. Or something. Necessary climate to make this flourish. It kills me, all this love I have inside, all of this adoration... I really need to give my sweetness to someone, and someone who can appreciate the realness and the sincerity that goes along with it. I love to hold you tight at night, Brian. I love nothing better. I love it when you say that you feel safe with me, your cape and your throne! You feel like a king and even though it's just because you feel like you've got a cape and throne, you still are a king to me. But... OH WELL. =) 04:15:32 - October 20th, 2K :: 12:20am ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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