pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crestfallen I'm tired of those scooters. Zip Zip Zip around the stores, little kids, big kids. It's annoying. It's bothersome to see trends like this. I don't know why I find it so disconcerting. Maybe because it wasn't my idea? Maybe it's because they are so expensive and maybe it's because of this. Perceptions always seems to point out the simple things that we might otherwise miss. What reminded me of them was actually the banner that was flashing about as I typed this entry. What else is there going on in my little life? Mmmm... well, I saw my non-boyfriend last night. He's such a complex guy. I appreciate it and bemoan it at the same time. Sometimes I feel like there's nothing I can do to make up for my past, and that somehow my past will stand in the way of my future. I am the first to admit that the whole relationship with evil mike was a huuuuuuuuuge error in judgement. There were SO many things about it along the way that I just forgave far too easily when he would say he understood and would change. Far too many times I put up with things that I shouldn't have. Too many incidents, too much patience. I need to learn to recognize! I really need to learn the fine art of standing up for myself. I've learned a lesson here. It's humbling, in a way, to confess all of my weaknesses to someone that I really want in my life in an intimate way, boyfriend or not. I mean, I understand that it doesn't make me look like the most intelligent girl or the strongest. I've got a lot to learn, so very much to learn. I'm not quite sure that confessing so much was the *best* idea, but it's done, it's everything, no secrets hiding in places that could be dangerous grounds later. Maybe it's like tearing it all down. Admitting that I lost my way. I lost my way. There is something about him that I just want near. I think it's that complexity :: rarely speaking but when he does, it's truthful and carefully thought words. And so a song... who am I to need you when I'm down? 04:43:24 - November 7th, 2K :: 12:28am ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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