pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AmeriCAN Things cross my mind now that never could before. Paper cuts hurt me just as much but as I lick my wounds, I imagine the pain; their pain; of crumbling cement and steel crashing over them in an unexpected rush and suddenly my pain is nothing and I try to imagine for one second their tragedy happening here, to me, to all of us. The horror of a jet plane aimed straight at your floor as you call customers, you fax faxes, you yawn and try to just wake up. I hope that none of them happened to look up and notice this hulk of metal and fuel as it closed in on them. It would be better to just not know. I see strangers now and realize that someone out there that I can't see would wear a watch of theirs or carry a letter from them or tape a missing poster anywhere to find them, ANYWHERE TO FIND THEM if they were gone. I have come to understand that everyone on Earth has profoundly affected *someone* and that is worth more than gold. The longing to see someone again... it is hard to know how that must feel only by the twang of sadness that overcomes you just by watching a tearful plea for information... I saw 2 kids about my age, and I'm 29 now, but they ARE kids... they were being interviewed by Larry King about their father, who was on an upper floor of the first building. The very real emotions present in their soulful eyes did not need words to validate what was happening. You could see it and that is the first time I felt my own tears... I haven't broken down and cried but there have been tears, because you have to know, I KNOW, that this could be any of us. ANY OF US at any time could lose someone we pin our hearts to; our best friends, our parents, our loves... I am never really good with emotions. Never good at being a comfort to anyone with a heavy burden. Sometimes I want the flame of compassion that I feel and know exists to overwhelm me and melt me and make me someone comfortable and comforting. I understand the vast impact of our tragedy in the most emotional way. I see how we can pull together as one and uplift and support. I have NEVER been PROUDER to be an American. I may not know anything else, but I do know that. 2:59 p.m. - September 21st, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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