pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He's Aight. I suppose I should note that, YES, Matt did get in touch with me shortly after my freaked-out episode. So he IS safe and sound and I did sleep well knowing so. He was out with his friends, spending quality time having Meep & Deaningful discussions, which is GREAT because soon he will not have that luxury. I feel a twinge of BADDIDITY (roll with it) over him not getting time with his friends so much, but I do understand that this is HIS choice and he's choosing it and choosing US so that he can be wholly happy or at least as close as wholly happy as he's been in a very long time. I know how it sounds presumptious of me to say that, but it's true, we've talked about it before. It's just a truth that we've found something special in each other. The way I see it is this: Imagine that you collect, oh, say Winnie the Pooh stuff. You KNOW how many friggin WTP things are out there to be had... things that are mass produced and have the Poohbear stamped upon them. Plenty of things to be had. But now imagine that you are given this crazy opportunity to bid on the ACTUAL REAL WINNIE THE POOH, the one that the stories were all based on. (Imagine that it's on ebay for some God-forsaken reason...) oh, while you are imagining this, also imagine that money is no object! (thanks)... anyway, YOU'VE DREAMED of just seeing the real deal, just knowing it exists and now it can be YOURS if you take the chance. You have WHAT IT TAKES to make it happen. In this instance money... but for me and for Matt's story, it's WILL. For US all it is is WILL, pure and simple. We WANT to be together. We CAN be together, IF we are WILLING to make some changes. WILLING to take some RISKS. And thank God Matt's a risk-taker. He took a chance on me and on love and he's doing it; the bravest boy I know. And I feel SO special that it's because of me and how I make him feel. And just so you know - when he gets here, we're not living together. We're giving ourselves time to date. We are WILLING to give our relationship breathing room in the beautiful beginning phase, so we can have our own space when we need it and not feel pressured to get along. I've MADE that mistake in the past and I don't ever want to put myself or someone I truly care about in that position. It's unnatural and ill-advised. So we're doing things the right way. We're going to date each other (exclusively) but still, none with the shack-up for this stage of the game. Maybe 6 months from now... PROBABLY six months from now. But we will see. I have nothing against shack-ups... nothing at all! I just think that you've gotta KNOW the person and trust them with all you've got; to be READY to be flexible and gracious and share your space and your time full-time. And I want to be READY this time. And I will. 10:37 p.m. - May 9th, 2001 :: 10:37pm ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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