pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Freedom is not equal to free-dumb Oh. I don't care anymore you guys. The light is there, I see it. I'm on my way out of the tunnel. Of course someone is trying their darnedest to pull me back in. I got no less than 4 phone calls today, saying HEY BABY, I'm just calling to say hey and I'm thinkin' of you and I love you and I want us to work... Of course sometimes it was just the hey baby part or one of the other parts. But still. Where were these sweet calls a month ago? A month ago I wrote him a letter. Spelled it all out. It's a little TOO little TOO late. I'm not really interested anymore. Not to mention that NO ONE likes him. I mean my mom and dad liked him until we went out with them for Father's Day. They noticed that he didn't treat me like a girlfriend at all. My best friends notice that he doesn't show respect to anyone, including me. They aren't cool with that. And NOW:: Leslie, the one friend that really could tolerate him feels creeped out by him. There's nothing more I can do. The fact is, he just doesn't know what love is. I'm tired, but strangely my energy is picking up. I think it's when you know you're almost home. I want the old me back. The happy girl, the clever girl. I was trying to put it to words, but it's better imagined. There was an essential part of me waiting to be born. Mike was the doctor. Now that I've gotten that part of me out there, it needs room to grow. Babies don't stay with the doctors that delivered them forever. They leave the delivery room, leave the hospital and move on. But there's always something to be appreciated by those moments of birthing, everyone included. I don't regret the time with him. I do wish that I had been stronger and said HELL NO to his moving in. I know that had we not done that we would not have lasted this long. But trials and tribulations are a necessary part of living and learning. If this defeats me, I've lost more than this fight. I've lost my mind, my strength, my fire, my self-respect. I'm worth so much more than this. It comes to you in tears. You have to CARE about things. You can't let a situation defeat your ability to keep your stuff together. It's really a great kick in the pants anyway, when you raise up and start the work at hand... you know you are stronger than the fight, you know you will have to hold on and persevere. And I will. Because I want my freedom. =) 20:54:23 - seven two-one ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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