pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Weekly Monday Bitching Where do I even begin? What a long weekend. It wasn't really long in a good way. It seemed to creak along, battered by all the thoughts in my head. Do you know how that goes? When you are trying to get everything into check and you can't and you are getting sweated for caring so much about your own fate? Well, that's how it's going for me. No matter how many times M. and I have the same conversation, nothing changes. So I wrote it down. If he doesn't get it this time, he never will. My 2 main complaints with him are honestly these :: Number One :: Cleaning :: He does NOT help out enough around the house. He makes all kinds of messes getting food together and drinks together and he doesn't clean them up. I agreed that if he cooked, I would do the dishes. I don't think I should constantly be putting away all of the cooking stuff, throwing away the trash from the boxes, etc and cleaning splattery shit off of the stove. I DO the dishes. I get NO help. The other night when we were fighting about this he said that he's loaded the dishwasher before. I asked him how many times. Three. Big FUCKING deal Mike! We've lived in our apartment for about a month and a half and we run the d/w usually a minimum of 2x a week. Sometimes more, depending on how much he's cooked and if we have any guests. But besides that, he brought a bunch of towels and clothes and milk crates and empty brass monkey bottles to the place. He has more clothes than I do. I had my closets completely and finally organized and then he decides he wants to move in. Our house has been a wreck since Day 1. I made up my mind that when I had my own place it would be clean and livable and nice so that if anyone ever wanted to drop in at a moment's notice I wouldn't have to spend a lot of time cleaning up. It's just driving me crazy. UGH Number Two :: PASSION & ROMANCE :: The 5th time I've told him. He needs to treat me like MOST boyfriends treat their NEW girlfriends. I don't KNOW, maybe like GIVE me a reason to feel lucky to be with you or something. Grrr. I know I've said this all before and I'm tired of typing about it. My life should not be this fucking soap opera that it's become. I really don't think any new relationship should BE this much work. I don't see a happy ending here. I am curious to see what happens in the next few days, having undeniably been told that I am right, that he's not treating me in a 'traditionally romantic way'...like I want to be treated. I wrote it all down, in a note. That way there is no doubt that I need it, no doubt that I've mentioned it. It's there. In writing. If I don't have some tangible form of his so-called passion that he so-called feels for me today then I know it will have gone in one ear and out the other. Then I know that he doesn't care to work on US and that I shouldn't care either. It's about as simple as that. Now, happier things??? nine 2 five - six one nine ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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