pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Analyze This... My Dream from Saturday My crazy dream I noticed that somewhere along the line, I am confronted with rescuing all of these tiny girls from holes that they are in; holes that are filled with water; holes that are unsafe places. It is my responsibility, more like my social obligation, though no one else even notices these girls so tiny. The point being, when I see this, I have to stop and fix it. The most monumental rescue, the first I vividly recall (the others seeming as if only faded memories of the past, with their flashes of images)occurred not long after we (Mike and I) were in a jam. I think we were in Colorado, though for the life of me I would not know WHY Colorado, but it seems like it was. I have never been there, but I suppose that this is how my mind perceives it to be and that is why I think it was Colorado. Apparently, we had just gotten back from some sort of ski trip (me, ski? ha! never have...) and we had stopped at Amoco to fill up the tank. I was in some crazy red vehicle, similar to an old Bug but not exactly. I know that I was the driver and this was my car. It felt kind of like a ski lift chair might, I'm guessing. Anyway, I know that we had someone else along in the back seat, but I don't know who, just a guy that was probably 20 or so. Mike decided to get out and do graffiti on one of the gas machines or something. Anyway, it was quite crowded at this place, nearing dusk and I was trying to act as if I didn't notice. I did see the girl at the teller box get his attention and call him over to let him know she saw. She handwrote a fine for him, for which he had pulled a $50 bill out of his pocket. I was kind of mad because I thought that this was all he had left and he would be spending it to pay this fine and that it seemed rather unnecessary all in all, the whole scenario. Much to his surprise, the fine was for $800. He just looked at it and said "what?" and we wondered what to do. The other guy was not in the car anymore, but we were going to leave immediately, so we did, leaving him behind. I remarked to Mike that I hope they don't notice my tag. I remember telling him to go faster, though I was clearly the one in the driver's seat. I also was fretting that they may have written my tag number down and he said that they took the whole tag. As soon as we got out onto the main road, it was VERY crowded. So crowded with traffic that I thought it was a joke. But it wasn't. We were going to be here for a very long time, and we were so far away from home. We happened to come up next to a river full of people on rafts and floats and everything. I thought how lucky they were but at the same time how it must be weird to be doing that kind of relaxing so close to interstate traffic. I mean you could literally reach out and touch them, and they were also somehow full sized for the most part. You know how when you normally see people in the water how they will look like little bitty things? These people were much bigger. Anyway, at this point, I think we got out to walk. I know it was getting to be dark out. We came to this patch during our walk that seemed to be fenced in. So as we begin to walk past, I notice that there is a mouse-sized little girl in the ditch, crying. The ditch is filling with water, whether or not they were her tears, I'm not positive. But she's about to drown it seems. Something from my past experience tells me to check out the teeth. I have her show me her teeth and she does have fangs like a ferret. Let me describe this girl. She is mouse sized, possibly even shaped like a mouse. She was white, not like a bright white, but white like an underwater too long white, white like a drenched under moonlight kind of white. She seemed soaking wet. Her eyes were even white. Everything about this girl was colorless. She was maybe 4 and a half inches high. She wore a little dress, kind of non-descript but if you had to desribe, it would be closer to the style that little girls would have worn in the late 1800's. She was unable to remove herself from her position in the ditch, mostly through lack of strength. It seems that emotionally she wasn't strong enough to change what needed to be changed. Her whole family was off to the side, standing by another fence, near an old almost abandoned parking deck. They weren't able to figure out how to help, so they stood, motionless as we approached. I saw her, the tiny one, immediately. I told Mike that I had to save her. I got down on my knees and checked her teeth, told her not to bite, then told her I was going to save her. I asked if this would be okay. No response. I put my fingers under her arms and lifted her out of the ditch. In her little arms she held an even tinier animal, also white, which I thought was real, but it turned out to be an origami turtle made of white tissue paper. The girl began to scurry around on the ground and something happened and Mike went to be with the rest of the family. It seemed like there was something about cigarettes. (Not sure. ???) I kept having struggles with the girl and the cigarettes, though I cannot even recall what these may have been. Suddenly a large black lab enters the scene, tearing from the entrance that we came in at across the entire lot, and bounds up a hill and disappears. I know that I am supposed to run after it. It's not just for me, it's for the girl, too. I know that there is a reason that everything was timed the way it was. So I give chase... follow the dog up the hill, but I don't see him. I also notice that there Mike has turned into another black lab. (Or at least it seems so...) I remember that the first black lab is the one that I am supposed to follow, and now it seems that Mike's turning into a lab was to confuse me into following him or something leading me off of my intended path. I know that before Mike turned into the lab, I told myself that this was my destiny, to leave all of that behind and chase this big puppy because it would lead me where I needed to be, and how crazy that sounded, but it made me happy to know it. When I got to the top of the hill there is concrete and a city scene. Mostly concrete. I see rays of light and something tells me that this is a religious experience. The funny thing is that now I can barely keep my eyes open. It is becoming more and more difficult to do. I know that this is where I should be, so I try to make my way to press on, to get the past totally out of sight, with the girl and ditch and the dog, etc... I am on this concrete column where I have only a small amount of room to edge across it to get to the other side. Then the Mike-Dog bounds up behind me. He forces me to make a decision :: either get back to the old place or jump. I am going to jump. I see this table set up, full of a certain companies products. The images on the boxes move and change, confusing me and making me feel like I am under the influence of some crazy hallucinogen. I think for a second about writing to them to tell them how very fucked up they've made me. But then I know that this company is also my escape. I can jump over to this table and hopefully save myself from falling to the ground (which is about 20 or 30 feet below)... I didn't make it all the way and just as I was crashing to the ground, I find myself back at the ditch, but the girl is gone and I am sitting there on the dirt and grass. This time 3 dogs run to me. The 2 labs from before and a big dalmatian. I wondered if I was supposed to run after the dalmatian before. Suddenly I am reset again and I seem to remember a voice asking me what it was that I had wanted. Since I was not sure of this myself, my subconsciousness must have kicked in. I was now standing in this doorway, an old wooden doorway... this magnificent and vast room opens up to me, revealing a huge revolving floor. The floor is moving like a merry-go-round, but without the horses. In the place of the horses are giant lilac, pink, and orange blown glass swans and flowers. The paint on the floor (kind of like bicycle tire style) matches the colors in the blown glass. There is some sort of soft piping music and it's all so beautiful to me that I say most confidently that YES, THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE. I went out onto the moving floor and raise my arms up into the sky to enjoy this moment. I was the only person in the room. I close my eyes and when they are opened again, I notice one other person. I tried to not let this bother me and make it less enjoyable, but I did like the fact that I was alone before. Everytime I looked now, one of the figures was replaced with people, only now they were people in costume, all throughout time. Beautiful clothes and fashions. I think a voice spoke to me that this was what I should be doing, because I can love and appreciate such lovely things. nine a.m. - six thirteen ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||