pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Que Sera, Sera Eeeeek. I have this horrible nervous feeling. It's funny why. I made plans with Leslie for tonight, not for very long, but just for a few hours before she goes out dancing. Well, M. wanted advance notice so he could make other plans. I thought I had told him last night but I guess it was a like 'we're supposed to...' and not a definite. So he just now found out. I told him to make other plans then, even though I don't see why he can't sit at home for a few hours without me there. He got off the phone with me to think of what to do. He called me back, had me log in to his email addy and give him a phone number. It's this girl's number. So I'm freaking out secretly, even though he's not sneakin' and he's not hiding it at all. I think it goes back to the trust issue, but really I decided the other day that if he does do anything anti-US then fine, because honestly and truly, I don't think he's the right guy for me. So why is it that this is eating at me so bad? I guess because he's MINE. Not that you ever own anyone, but because I don't want another girl to start liking him or I don't want to think about how pretty she might be, or how cool. But she's just a person. I guess that knowing Mike's ILLUSTRIOUS past makes me think that anytime he's around a pretty/cool girl he will want to wave that magic wand or at least get a little sum'sum. And that's not fair for me to think default thoughts like that. I would be Pissed-O Supreme if I found out he thought the same about me, only with guys...but then my past isn't as crazy. I should just chill out, I know. You know? I do care about him a lot and I keep acting the g/f but last night I just realized that he's 98% definitely NOT the guy I dreamed of ending up with. It was after our DUMB fight. He's a really good guy, but I think I feel like a faucet that is only operating at 1/2 of it's water pressure... I feel like if I was with the MATCH that in my mind exists, it would be at least 88% on. Hmm... Oh well. Whatever will be will be... four 23 - six 15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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