pandalicious's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bitch, Moan, Repeat Okay. The ferret is much loved everywhere we go. We went back to the petstore last night. The guy that works there is so cool. He's all DJ and kind of raverish I suppose but in a very subtle way, due to the uniform. Him and Mike get along well. We've invited him to the party at the place Saturday. Hopefully he will show up. He seems like a really cool guy. So as you know, yesterday was our 'anniversary' of sorts. Nothing at all about it was acknowledged by Mike even though hints were dropped. What does this mean? I didn't do anything romantic or sweet because for one, the only romantic and sweet thing that I could think of isn't romantic and I didn't have time to go get it. It's a Mr. T. wallet that they have at Junkman's Daughter. Mike would be all about that wallet, but then I don't want to set the standard of ME GIVING gifts and never receiving them. This is how all of my last relationships have gone and I am not even going to begin this one on that foot. I am not TOTALLY offended that our one month anniversary is seemingly not that special to him, but I am a little. I guess what really got me maddest of all was that it WAS our day (sort of) and M. asked me to bring Ferris (the ferret) up to his work so he could show his boss. So I struggled with Ferris the whole way there, in traffic (Atlanta traffic sucks MAJORLY) and not to mention the roads there are all very windee... and we don't have a good way to transport him yet, so he was in a milk crate upside down in a cardboard box with a towel as his cushioning. He went all kinds of crazy trying to escape that tiny prison, and so I had to drive with one hand on the wheel and one on the milk crate. Grr. So when I finally got there (it's like a 20 minute drive) Mike came outside and grabbed him and greeted him and told it that he missed it and kissed it and all kinds of niceness and he didn't even say HI to me. WTF? See, it's the little things like that that I notice. I must be a bitch, but oh well. I think that M. is just so into his ownself and what he's focused in on usually that anything outside of those parameters get ignored or neglected. This does drive me crazy, as since I haven't been involved in over 2 years, I kind of told myself that this time would be better. Like I wasn't going to settle anymore for less than I need to make me happy. I'm worried that I am settling. I am worried that M. makes a great friend but not a great BOYfriend and that I could have a great BOYFRIEND if I wait just a little bit longer... There's got to be someone out there who can illustrate his feelings without having to say them, because there are times that you just don't need words. It's all in the little things and those ARE SO important, so important. I deserve the little things and everyone deserves them. I can provide the little things and to some extent I was doing that. I am not going to keep with it, and I've stopped doing so much until I get some NATURAL return. It's not worth anything if I have to TELL someone what I want in that regard. Those are not natural actions and I don't think that the heart is in them 100 percent when they are done at request. I think that if you are really feeling gooshy mushy feelings about someone acting sweet or doing little nice notions comes naturally, don't you? Someone out there tell me!!! too tin - Six Ft. 8 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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